Is it the doctors or other patients that help us the most?

I have been thinking about my first visit to the surgeon. There was one visit with him when two women, one older and one maybe early 20's were in the waiting room when I arrived. I had already lost just about all my weight so when I saw them I felt a pang of appreciation for them both and the road they were about to travel. No way was I going to ignore them or pretend I couldn't hear. They were 'newbies' and I wanted desperately to connect with them.

I sat down near them, pulled out my daughter's nintendo and casually started playing cards, listening to their casual talk. The younger one was scared. You could hear it in her voice. She told a heart-warming story about her life of obesity; being laughed at in school, not having a date to the Senior Prom, not even having been on what she called a "real date". It hurt to listen to her but I knew she would be fine. Heck, I'd done it, why couldn't she? The older woman was more confident but you could hear an aire of despair in her voice; some 30 years fighting the weight gain cycle that began after she married and started having children.

Listening to them is what brought the memory of my first visit back to the surface. I think about it a lot. Don't know if that is good or bad, but I can't seem to let it go. The younger woman went in first. After she'd walked down the hallway, I said hello to the older lady and asked if she was there to have WLS. We had a wonderful conversation. It was then that I realized just how badly I did want to help others. She asked question after question. And she really wanted to know my thoughts. She listened so intently to my answers and when she stood to walk down that hall she looked down at me, leaned and squeezed my hand and said thank you..it was what she needed.

A bit after she left the younger girl came out. I wanted to go to her and hold her, she was losing it...the tears were starting. She clutched the all too familiar paperwork in her hand and sat down two seats from me. She stared forward and you could see she was fighting the tears. I finally reached over with my right hand placed it on her left shoulder. I told her it really wasn't so bad, she would make it. She looked at me and asked if I had had the surgery. I wanted to just start rattling on about what to do, what she could expect, what she needed to do now...but you know that feeling you get sometimes that says to just shut up and listen? It's as if I had masking tape on my mouth. I nodded and just said, "yes". I put the game away and just sat there with her. She opened the folder and started looking at the list of doctors and procedures she needed to have done prior to surgery then she spoke without even looking at me and said, "I can't lose 30 lbs". Boy did I understand that! I chuckled and said something all motherly like, "Darlin, none of us can. They'll do the surgery anyway, just do your best." I could see a bit of hope in her eyes and she smiled.

The nurse called my name and I stood and walked toward her. I just couldn't walk away from that girl. So I turned and said something like, "We all have to start somewhere. This time next year, you'll be talking to someone just like you, trying to help her feel a little better." The girl smiled. It wasn't a big smile, but it was a hopeful one. I turned and walked back to the stats room feeling pretty good inside. Although I've never seen either woman since...dang, maybe I have and I just didn't recognize them!!!! Neither of them will ever know the impact they had on me that day. I can still feel them in my heart when I think about that day. As I write this, I feel the warmth I had then and I can't help wonder...

Is helping other people truly the best way we can help ourselves?